We decided to head up to Niagara Falls today - an easy day trip from Toronto by car. Or so they say. One of the prettiest drives in North America, or so they say. You know what I say? My ass in a clamshell, that's what I say - the idea of my ass fitting in a clamshell has about as much connection to reality as the previous two statements.
"Easy Day Trip" - what they don't tell you is that it's almost impossible to find a reasonably priced rental car in Toronto in the summertime, and sometimes impossible to find one at all. We even asked the concierge at the hotel to help us, and the look he gave us said very clearly that he hadn't realized until that very moment that there was a short yellow bus stop in front of the hotel.
Soooo....needless to say we didn't get a rental car through the hotel. Ten minutes on priceline.com though, and we were off to the races. Or the Falls. Whatever.
Once we got out of the train and picked up the car (in the train station), we found that the Canadians, in all their lovely helpfulness, brought the falls to us!
So, the first 35 minutes of the "loveliest drive" was spent in a torrential downpour, and then the rest was spent passing industrial warehouses and power lines. I even let my mother drive so I could take pictures along the way. Don't get me wrong, there was a picturesque moment or two, but it just looked like Nokesville, so I wasn't enthralled.
DAMMIT ALL TO HECK!
One good thing that came out of our road trip to Niagara was the discovery of Tim Horton's coffee. Oh. Mah. Goodness. So delicious - we stopped by one of them on the QEW (the Queen Elizabeth Way) and though there was a drive-thru, we walked inside to get coffee...and THANKS BE TO VALHALLA that we did, because there was gold inside. Little, round, delicious nuggets of sugary gold...that come 10 to a box.
*sigh* So good.
Thus fortified with sugar and caffeine, we took a bit of a detour to one of the numerous fruit stands on the way to buy some fruit to make up for it, and then decided to stop at Niagara-on-the-Lake for lunch. Such a cute little town! So much great shopping! Such convenient parking!
I think I fell a little bit in love with Niagara-on-the-Lake when the first store I saw was dedicated to cows. A whole store for cows, can you imagine? How MARVELOUS!!!
Even better, they are CLEVER cows!
The only other criteria for town-love was also present, less than a block from the cow store.
All in all, we were only there for about 3, maybe four hours... just enough time to see the wildlife...
...and bring some of our own.
On a side note, seriously, every single squirrel I have seen in Canada is black - are they a different species or something? Who knows.
Lou couldn't care less about the squirrels, the stores, or the fact that we were in a different country. Once he saw the playground, the fat ladies started singing, and it was all over but the credits.
But he's so damn cute you can't help but laugh, and then play along.
I have actually never seen one of these, where you speak into one tube and the sound comes amplified out of the other. Mom and Lou went back and forth for a few minutes, with Lou giggling the entire time, and then Mom went to get some of her kinds of toys, to the tune of $1,700. (Jewelry, you pervs!)
Since Mom had to have both of the rings she bought sized, we walked around a bit more, went to a chocolate store (the. best. dark chocolate. covered. marshmallows. ever.), went to visit the much-touted apothecary (highly overrated, highly odiferous, and run by a highly cranky man. PASS.) and finally got back on our way to Niagara Falls, sugared out and sparkling with new bling.
Let me just tell you a secret about sugar. It wears off. I ate my ass off the whole morning (Ok, not literally, since I'm pretty sure I gained about 4 lbs, and each cheek got about half) but by the time we arrived at the Falls I was *STARVING*. So much so that we stopped in at the Boston Pizza place right by the parking lot, and ordered incredible amounts of starch, grease and fat. SO savory and fantabulous.
If you ever have occasion to be in Niagara Falls, or anywhere near a Boston Pizza, you MUST order these:
Cactus Cut Potatoes
A BP original. Thin and spicy fried potatoes with a bite. Served with our signature cactus dip blended with crushed chilies, green onion, sour cream and parmesan.
They have a bit of a bite, but they are fantastically delicious - a little bit crunchy, a little bit spicy, and a whole lot more prone to clog up the vital arteries of my heart than the salad. Oh well, my one turn at living may be short, but it's going to be delicious.
That's pretty much the only thing worth trying at BP - the rest of the food is crap, but the fries were well worth it. At least they're better than a fast food burger, even if the BK looks cool like this:
Yes, Niagara Falls is incredibly tacky. Very like Las Vegas, without the charm and super hotties, but with a thousand screaming children hyped up on sugar thrown in. We came to see the Falls, though, so we passed on Ripley's museum, the Midway game rooms, Brick World, etc., and all of the various attractions that line the main street. So, off to see the falls we went.
Let me just give you the low down on Maid of the Mist. Niagara Falls, split in two by the US-Canada border, is just really a big waterfall. Not particularly huge, not particularly fantastically unique in global terms, and travelling backwards through erosion about 6 feet a year. Somehow, this spot has become the haven for everyone seeking a truly awe-inspiring experience, but unwilling to sacrifice, sweat or bleed to gain the rush. So, you pay $15 per person to get on a boat for about 22 minutes, chug-a-lug up to the base of the Falls, and get pummeled by water that is teeming with pollutants and e. coli. (If you think I'm kidding, take a look at this picture. I thought at first that they had built a little beach to land the tug, but when I got closer I realized that it is pollution that creates a foam build up. ICK.)
Then you wait in line for about 15 minutes...
...get a flimsy rain poncho (that don't work unless you tie the sleeves) from underpaid teenagers who are a) apathetic or b) hostile, depending on how the day is going, and then you board one of the ferries that trundle along the falls, passing each other like cars on the highway.
It's highly commercialized, vastly overrated, and makes your eyes sting something fierce. It's almost impossible to get a good picture from the boat, and if you're lucky you might get something beyond the solid veil of white that is all you really see through the squint:
But really, what it all boils down to is that in the end it is all totally worth it, if the result is this:
Don't get me wrong, the Falls are definitely picture worthy...
...but all of these pictures were taken from the road along the Falls or from the parking lot. Booya.
All in all, if you have a little kid with you (or within you!) that doesn't care about pollution, or getting drenched, or monies paid vs. value received, then do it. It's a once in a lifetime thing (because most people are too smart to get suckered a second time) and a checkbox on the life list.
All you've got to lose are the fancy electronics you decided to risk on board.
Lastly, and I promise no more bitter invective on the tourist trap that is the Maid of the Mist, a tip to the ladies: DO NOT WEAR MAKEUP on board. You will look like a raccoon, and then be self conscious about it the rest of the afternoon, unless you are carrying those super neat makeup removing cloths and a face kit in your bag. Doubtful? Check out the water dripping off my chin(s):
'Zackly.
So, we completed our mission, Lou got to see the Falls with appropriate starry-eyed wonder, and we got to experience our first traffic jam on the way back to Toronto, in such a way that the 9 minute trip took over 3 hours. I'm going to find that guy that started the "prettiest drive" rumor, and punch him right in the mouth for telling such a big fib.
Back in the city at last, I was *STARVING* again. (Notice a trend here? I eat all the time, everywhere we go. One day I may explode.) We took Frommer's advice and ate at a Greek place near our hotel, and I'm sorry to say it was the first time Frommer's has ever let me down.
This place was so terrible I came back to the hotel and wrote a review just to make sure other people didn't make the same mistake! So we gave up and left, and went to return the car.
The weather has been great this week, and though rain was predicted every day this week, today was the only day that it really came down (and how!). The upside to the pouring rain though is that the evenings are beautiful. Toronto is a gorgeous city, architecturally, and we've gone out every night to take walks. Some of the buildings, while unremarkable in the daytime, really show their own after dark.
So we walked around a bit, and finally stopped to read some of the plaques on Front St. on the construction worker's memorial. Lou ran up and read quite a few of them (he reads SO WELL!!) and was "very, very sad that all those guys died at work". It seemed kind of an odd but neat memorial, with odd circumstances to many deaths and all of the workers from different companies, but I guess every city has it's quirks.
The walk was actually the perfect way to wind down the day. I stopped to take a picture of the old man on a bench statue on Front Street...
...and I got roped into taking about a dozen pictures for a group of german girls playing tourist. My nephew laughed at me standing there with about ten little digital cameras hanging from my fingers, taking the same picture with each one, but as he said to me this afternoon in the subway, "I really hate to say this Aunt Mel, but you always make us take longer to get back to the hotel. We take longer every day because you take pictures." Of course he immediately demanded his own picture taken with the old man once the girls were done, and he "wanted his own, without any of the nice girls in it." O_O
So he talked to the old man for a while, patted his face, and then said "thank you", and off he went. I totally heart my nephew.
We rounded off the day by stopping once again at the ice cream truck, with the same great lady. She is a riot, and complimented Louie on his manners. He really was exquisitely polite, and she was very fun, making him all the more excited to buy his ice cream.
He was practically dancing by the time it was his turn to order, and bless her heart, she played along and gave him the best experience a kid could ask for. We heart her, too.
I don't know if I ever want to be a kid again, but I'd love to experience such exuberant joy over such a simple thing. I am beginning to think that the secret to staying young is throwing yourself into the experience of every day so hard that by the time you crash land at the end of every day, all you want to do is start all over tomorrow. These are the days when all I can do is be grateful that life is GOOD.
